The Call- Part one

The hall was filled. People, all around, clattering each other’s thoughts, diving into each other’s minds, all of them there, for one sole and single purpose. For Art, for the artist; people in a fraught filled effort, of getting hold of those masterpieces. 

“The next sculpture to be auctioned is ‘The Golden One’. Can we get the sculpture on the stage please?” The auctioneer said is a plain, yet hard tone. He was not someone interested in art. He liked milk and bread. Milk and bread did not come for free, they cost. The work took care of those costs. 

“They say, this is the best work Anuj has ever put up. All of his blood and soul and mind and might, in those seven sculptures.”Someone in the crowd grasped.

One of the most awaited exhibition cum auction of the year was happening, and the most extraordinary and astonishing fact was that the artist could not be seen anywhere. Anuj Saxena was a missing man. Then again, it was not something new. 

“Where is he anyway?” another voice in the crowd asked to the person, sitting right next to him, though he had no idea to whom he was talking, or what the person did. It was considered to be elegant and cultured, to have such talks, save, it made them feel good and it made them feel that other’s thought of them as good. So much for the sake of others!

“No one really knows where he is. As if he cares a fuck about all of these actions. The word is, he never deals with them. It’s all Manager Management.” He replied.

“What?”

“His manager. He takes care of it. He arranges all of it. Anuj never shows up. As a matter of fact, I guess the world has forgotten how he looks like.” Came the plain reply.

“Six lacs, sixty thousand, one. Six lacs, sixty thousand two. Six lacs, sixty thousand, three.
Sold, to the young man, right there.” Amidst everything, the auction continued.

Outside the hall, somewhere in the alley, someone lighted a cigarette.

***

The city had been drenched with the rains. Water droplets, like the ones that cling on to the metal sheets and bars were dripping down, one by one, in their own synchronous motions. There were patches on the road, of petrol, of diesel, which gleamed, occasionally when a vehicle passed by, and light fell on it. Amongst all of it was a figure, sitting in between those puddles of water. The clothes were all soaked in water and sweat. He had long hair, of black colour, the perfect shade. His shirt and jeans, both, had patches all over it, of mud, of grease and of blood. The sources, yet unknown! 

He leaned backwards, on one of his hands, holding the cigarette in the other. Each time, the wind blew, his hair would blend into its motion, at times covering, at times revealing his face. Every time he took the nicotine in, for that spilt second his eyes sparked red. Each time, he let out the smoke, he would look upwards, chasing those tiny goblets of smokes, until they disappeared like everything, into the darkness of the night, away from the striking lights of the street lamps. 

People who knew him were anything but comfortable when he was around or when talking about him. A little more than unpredictable and a few steps higher than insane, people had put him onto the list of people, who they thought were weird. Growing up, all that he did was wandering and going to random places, most of the times without notice, returning back, after a week or so, every time. He attended, school, just for the sake of learning drawing and English. Everything else for him, well, he never cared those existed, in the first place. He profoundly loathed them. No wonder, he was thrown out. A good number of odd jobs and a little more than a decade later, he was, today, the country’s one of the most exquisite sculptor.  

He never used all of the money that he earned. Some he gave in charity, other’s he burned down the drain; an act, he considered the closest to his heart, an operation that was most sacred to him, out of all . He smoked, he doped, he slept, he ate, he worked, that’s what the world’s knowledge is about him, or rather, what he made the world believe. The reality, however, had one more element added to his otherwise simple living, chaos. Chaos around him, in his head, in his heart, and in his body.

***

She was just out of the hall, disappointed. She had expected to get a glance of him, at least here. After all, it was one of the most important days of his life. He was getting back at the world, with all of his might and force, who once told him that he was nothing but a mere debacle, who, due to unforeseen circumstances and the worst possible choice of events, had shot to fame. Retribution day it was, or at least, that was what the papers had portrayed of the event.

‘Anuj Saxena, ascends today? A call that cannot yet be made!’ one of the papers had read. 

Why she was here, had nothing to do, neither with the art, nor with his success. All that she wanted was his glimpse, a small little slant of his, so that she could capture it. Not in her heart, not for the rest of her lives, but into her equipment. Anuj Saxena had not made a public appearance in years, and it would have been lot more than a promotion and a salary hike, in case she would have been able to pull it off. It would have offered her, her own chance at redemption and retribution. She wished for it, only if the wishes came true. 

She walked out, on to the main road, a car screeched past her, only to bring her back to the dark night, that it was. She was not sad, rather disappointed, or more than that, in despair. By hook or by crook, she had always gotten hold of what she wanted; save, the case was not the same this time. She took, out her lighter, and started searching for a cigarette. Her nails were long, and so were her arms. They were tender, and so were her shoulders, visible to the naked eyes, because she was dressed that way that day. Every time the wind blew, she would run her lands, all over each other, from shoulders till her wrists, in an attempt to warm them up, moving swiftly over the goose bump feeling, that she was having. Rather, the air itself was playing a game tonight. Her scent was so impending, so ineludible, that even the air hit her, again and again, just so as to get the feminine scent of her. Long legs, white thighs, full breasts, irresistible pink lips, wavy and curly hair. Her physical attributes had helped her a lot in her career so far, to get into places where no one else could, but then, this was different; here was failure and disappointment. 

She had to smoke, smoke desperately, but she had none left. She walked, walked fast, and almost walked into a street sign. She sighed! Why was she not getting any sighs? Then somewhere in the silence of the alley, she saw someone smoking. Her first reaction was to get herself home, as soon as possible, but then what nicotine has to offer, overpowers every feeling, even the ones of getting ravished. She walked into the alley, stood besides the man, who she thought was nothing more than a street side musician.

“I could use a smoke” she declared.

“I could share one” came the reply. He wasn’t even looking at her.

She sat next to him, on the pavement. Her dress got wet, but she could care less. He took out a cigarette and passed it on to her. She lighted it. At the same moment, he looked at her. The next moment, the cigarette fell off, from her mouth, onto her thighs. A burn mark, left behind.

***

“Are you.....”

“Yes, I am. The conversation ends here.” Anuj said.

She pouted. Swarna had never been treated like this, by anyone. She was used to getting all of the attention, that never in her life, she had been devoid of any male presence in her life. And here, the tables had turned completely, nothing in her favour, everything against her. She had almost put a tombstone on the grave of her desire to her a picture of him, after the first interaction that she had with him. He made her feel uncomfortable. Not a commonplace at all, she thought.

“I am Swarna. I am a photographer.”

“You click me and put me up in the papers, and I swear, the city monument would wake up to a hanging corpse the next morning. Try me.”

“Why are you so rude?” she darted back at him

“Why do you want to have a conversation!” he puzzled her more

“That’s what people do, when they are together.” She tried to sound convincing

“How old are you?”

“Twenty five.”

“That’s the most convincing sentence that you have learned in the twenty five years of your life?”

“I had no wisdom endowed upon myself, you see. I learned things the manual way” she chocked

He sensed, her was being way too rude. He did not know why he was doing that though. That’s how he was. When human emotions make the individual talk, nothing stands in its way, nothing.

“I didn’t mean to, though. I was thinking something else” he tried consoling her. He put his arm around her.

“It’s okay. You had no reason to be rude to me. I knew it was something else.”

“So what do you do?”

“I click Mr. Saxena, I click.”

“Anuj will be good. Any work in your camera?”

“Only if you would show some interest.” She giggled. Her eyes, already smudged with kohl, sparkled for the first time, in the evening.

Together, they went through her pictures. Their hands rubbed against each other at times, and her hair flew into his face. He touched her fingers, and she felt his hand. When she turned, her elbows crashed into those strong muscles of his torso. When he moved, his upper arm, rubbed against the side of her body, at times touching her breasts and bare arm. Their eyes never met, but their bodies spoke. She almost knew where this whole thing was headed to. He, however, was into her work.

“What time is it?” he inquired

“A little past ten.”

“You should go. It’s late. ” he said, as plainly as he could

“You would not want to come over for a coffee? You would not want to drop me off?” she seemed surprised. This was not how, she thought things will end.

“Why? What’s the need?” he was puzzled now. “Do you want me to come? Coffee, no. I am yet to have my dinner. Besides, I am waiting for someone, rather something.”

“I can fix something up if you want.”

“I thought I asked you to leave. If you want, I can get you a cab. The smoke’s got extinguished long back. It is time that you get going.” He was almost on the verge of getting angry.

Swarna, on the other hand, was surprised, confused, and disappointed again. For a moment, she thought this was a new beginning out of nowhere, and then, as quickly as it came, it was snatched away from her. Even before she could feel the pulse of things, even before she could grasp, the feeling was murdered, and the emotion was butchered.

Just then, his phone rang.

“Anuj, where are you?” the person individual inquired.

“A place where I belong.” He was calm in his reply. As if, he was very much waiting for the phone call.

 “What happened?” he added.

“Ash had called.” Came the reply. “It’s about Isha. What have you done to her man? What?”

“I have not seen her in days.”

“That explains a lot.”

“What do you want? I am here, in middle of something.”

“Apparently, Ash wants to know where you are. She wants you to go and visit Isha.”

“Not tonight James. It is a busy day at work, you see. You arranged it for all, you should know.” He cunningly said, eying the girl who was almost about to leave. He whistled. She looked back. He motioned her to stay back.

“Nothing. I am just going to have a little fun tonight. Tell Ash that I am getting laid, and she can say whatever she wants to, to Isha. As of now, that is all, that I can say.”

He hung up as soon as he said that. James was confused. More than a manager, he was Anuj’s friend, someone who knew him since childhood. He did not know why he was doing it, but he knew there was some purpose. He dialled Ash’s number.

 “What did the asshole say?” she growled

“You want to talk, or want me to hang up on you?” he darted back, with all the fury.

“What did your FRIEND say?” she tried to sound calm

“He will be staying at someone’s place tonight. He has got the company of an old friend. That’s what he said.”

“Bloody motherfucking bastard. He will pay for whatever he is doing to that poor girl. He will”

“What are you talking about?” he tried to act, as if he did not know what was going on.

“Don’t you dare act naive James, don’t you. Not now, not right fucking now. I know he is fucking somebody tonight.  And yeah, he has to pay for all of these.”

“If he has to, he will. You do not have to worry about it.”

“Tell me James. Why is he doing this to her, why?”

James had hung up, already. He had another question in his mind.
Why is he doing this to himself? Why?



.................................................................................................... to be continued

The root of 'em all!

Tick tick tock. Tick tick tock. Tick tick tock.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh. Goddddddddddd!!!!!”

“What happened baby? What happened?” She asked him, holding his sweaty temple close to her bosom, caressing his back. He was shivering, he was shivering badly. He was almost on the verge of breaking down. His hands were scrambling for a grip around her back, but they kept on falling. They just could not be stable. They had become weak, they screamed, they urged for a little bit of power, just so as to make sure they could put themselves around her soft, skinny soft shoulders. A goldfish out in open would have been much, much more calmer.

“It’s the same nightmare, Latika. The same fucking one. The wooden bench, it creaked even today. The old house, the red door, the church, the valley, the beach, the wind, you, me! Every single thing. Same as before. Each small detail, as large as it can get.” Raghav was short of air, his breath out of his control, each time as he spoke. It seemed that he needed air bags, lots of them. Each time he would fill his chest with air, tons of it, but it would all come out in seconds. He was devastated, it was nowhere near morning. Latika put him back to sleep. It was nothing new for her. It was nothing new for him. Nightmares come and go, the same ones usually don’t come back though. For Raghav, it was a video being played again and again. The repeat mode, again, and again and again, haunting him. Was it a message being delivered, or it was just a simple coincidence. The only moment that we care is when it shows up.

***

A brand new morning. Raghav and Latika lay amongst the heap of bed sheets and quilts and sweat, in each other’s arms. Last night was another one of their ecstatic love making nights. They kissed, they bit, their arms clutched each other’s body while their legs crawled on each other. He was in her, and she invited him in, each single time, with more passion every time. They were intense, the lust took over, and their love spoke of in actions and emotions, once more, for one more night, like the many that had gone by, like the last night, and like the many nights that are yet to come.

“Why do you smoke so much? How many times do I have to tell you”, Latika said, looking at Raghav, who stood at the window, letting out smoke globes, one after the other, after the other. Her eyes were the typical, totally Indian, and her eye lashes! Probably they are the biggest and the most beautiful of its kind.

“I can stop, only if you promise to start round two, right now, right here” he said, wincing at her. He moved towards her. They kissed, passionately. Their kisses were more intense and passionate and lustful than the love making sessions of other couples. Such was their love, such was their attachment and such was the addictiveness that they had for each other. In each other’s presence, they felt powerful and powerless at the same time. She was his kryptonite, and with him, she wanted to let go of everything that she was and she had, except her feminine self.

And then Raghav was again at the window, in the world of drags and puffs, and nicotine.

“You are taking that job right?” inquired Latika.

“No, I am not” he replied, calm, as always.

“We need money, Raghav, we need it”

“You need money, not me.”

“And you borrow it from me.”

“Borrowing would have been a fair term, only if it was used by a fair soul. Not by someone, who sells her soul.”

“You, and your ideals, and your stubbornness. It’s not going to take you anywhere”, she darted back at him.

“I thought having you was the ultimate prize, and I needed nothing more” he giggled. In a subtle way, he mocked at her.

“What in the world, do you think  you are, the idealist? Why don’t you take the fucking job? You think you are the first man in the world, to stand up for the things that he believes in?” she was red, and furious, and it was as obvious as the sun, shinning over their head. And he, was finding her cute.

“I don’t want to take the fucking job, because it would kill me to work for them. It would kill me if they will sabotage my work. It will kill me if they change even a single fucking syllable from my work. It will kill me so bad, that all that I would want to do is to take an axe and butcher every single piece of meat in their body. I am the fucking writer, they are not. It would kill me, if someone who does not have a fucking idea about the whole thing, passes a judgement about the shit that I write, and changes it the way that they want. It would fucking kill me! Is it that difficult to understand? Is it that fucking difficult to understand?” he had become an epitome of anger now. All of the hatred, and the loathing that he had for the world outside was coming out now, all at once . For Raghav, it was always like nothing or everything. Love, anger, hatred, humour, sex, lust, fights, work, art, passion, everything had to be at their topmost level, or else, they should cease to exist. That’s how things worked for him. That’s how things should work for the world, he had always thought. Half a mile stuck in the middle was not going to help anyone.

“But baby, its good money. You need to survive. Money is important. For us, for everyone. At some point or the other, you have to become like those millions of people breathing on this earth. You, like them, would have to compromise, if not now, later. Do it now! Now is the good time.”

“Let me ask you one thing Latika. Why did you fall in love with me? Why do you love me still?”

“Bullshit!”

“Answer me love, answer me? Why?” Almost on the verge of screaming

“Because you are you. Is that fair enough?”

“More than what I had asked for! If you loved me for what I am, why do you want me to change, now?”

“Talking to you is useless. You have a lot to offer to this world. And if you are planning on wasting all of it, your works, your words, and your thoughts, on these stupid ideals of yours, then you are going to regret everything.”

“Latika, I know you love me, and you care for me, and you want me to have all of the fame that you think  I deserve, but I don’t want it to come this way. My works, my words, and my thoughts are all part of my ideals. Only I and I only can understand that, they cannot. Not even a single bit of it. So if they want me, they have to keep me, as I would like myself to be kept.”

“You are a bastard, and I still love you. I need to leave. This room has at least one working professional. “Sarcasm intended, straight at you, in your face.”

“How much time do we have before that?”

“30 minutes”

“Well Paulo Coelho says all that we need is 11 minutes. Let’s make it quick then” he threw his cigarette, jumped into the bed, she jumped onto him. They made love. As passionately as ever!

***

“I understand. It’s okay. Something that you love, will come up soon” Sana said, running her hands through Raghav’s hair. Her fingers were soft, they were fragile. Every time she ran them through his scalp, he shrugged, the feeling made him comfortable and loved, in ways that others would never understand or comprehend.

“Yeah, I know something will come up, and that too soon. I can feel it, this is my year. The year, when it all shall change, and I shall get my share of the meat.” He moved closer to her, on the bed, and pulled her closer.

“Is this the case with all of you artists? Sleeping around? Banging random ladies? All that you need is a holy hole, right? And you know what the worst part is? I can’t ever say no to you, ever, even though I know you love her.”

“First of all, it is not about getting laid or something. You and I, both know where my count would have reached, in case I was looking for some bed room, court room or any other room kind of action, whatsoever. The point is that I am not.” He tried to explain to her.

“Then what, ha? Then what? What do you call all of this? You love her, and you make lover to her. You come here later, and make love to me. And then when I ask you about all of it, you say you love me too. What in the world is wrong with you?” she furiously questioned him

“No, I love you.”

“And her? You might probably love her too, right?” Interrogation continuing.

“Yes, I love her too.” He answered plainly

“Raghav, every time you want to see me, you walk into this house, you pick me up, and drop me on this bed, and we make love. That’s the part which is true, and something that makes me happy. But the part where you say you love Latika and me, both, that’s something that I’ll never believe in, something that’s not at all considerable. Either of us, it has to be.”

“Why are you doing this to me?  Love is what this whole world believes in. Love is what all of us urge for. Love is what’s missing from the world, and that is killing the world. You, on the other hand, are getting all of it from me. I love you, with all my heart, with every inch of skin on my body, with my arms, legs, body, soul, hair, nails, and everything, as weird as it may seem. Why do you doubt that? Why kill with complexity, when simplicity already prevails.”

“You either call me your whore, or call her your slut. But either ways, you have to make a decision, someday, sometime. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday. Someday you’ll have to answer the questions.”

“I am answerable to what?”

“To playing with both of our lives. And the sad part is that, she still doesn’t know.”

“I said this to you, cause I expected you to understand. But you, you have turned into the ways of all the slimy pricks that live around me.”

He got out from the bed, fetched his clothes, lighted a cigarette, and barged out of the room. She was still there in bed, in dilemma, of whether she should be sad for chocking her love with her own hands, or congratulating herself for facing her demons.

Like always, she was at the receiving end.

***

“Why did you have to tell it to her in the first place?” Zeus screamed at Raghav. They have been friends since long, probably the only one that Raghav had. Dealing with Raghav in all of his fame and fury, at all the times, was not an easy task to do. And to be there with him, during all of the times that Raghav would break down, was indeed a task! TASK. They were not friends. Probably English was at loss of words, to describe what they had.

Any human being, would get astonished, when he would hear the tale of friendship that Raghav and Zeus shared. Zeus fell in love with Sofia, they broke up. Raghav fell in love with Sofia, later on, and they broke up too. Zeus and Raghav fell in friendship with each other, meanwhile, and they never broke up. It would probably have been the first incident in the world, where a girl was responsible for two guys coming together, rather than fighting it out, till their last breath, for her.

What these two guys shared was beyond limitations. Probably, because of the fact that Zeus tried to comprehend all of the things that Raghav used to throw at his brains. And as the time passed, it turned out that Raghav would only open himself to Zeus, because with him, he did not have the worry of being judged, and most importantly, he knew that he would not have to worry about losing him. He knew that he had the assurance that he would not have to cry because of the vacuum created by Zeus’s absence, ever!

“Come back to your senses again. And please, stop smoking. It’s going to kill you soon.” Zeus screamed, looking at Raghav, who had gone silent, since his arrival. All that he did in the past half an hour was to look outside and smoke a cigarette, one after other after other.

“What, I am sorry. I don’t know. I just thought that she would understand. She does not. And now I have the fear of losing her.”

“No one does mate. No one does.” Zeus tried to console him.

“Yeah, no one fucking does. Seriously, and deep down, it kills me, to know that the message is misread, in all of the unexpected, unwanted and undesired ways.” He threw the bud out of the window, and started scanning the house for more.

“There are no more. Now you do not smoke. Now you sit down, talk it out, and get it out of your system.” Zeus tried to sound smart. Inside he wished Raghav would not recoil back.

“Why does the world say that we can love only one person? Who decides the criteria? Who fucking does? We human beings, when we believe in something for once, we are so stubborn, it is too  embarrassing for us to get over with those pre written facts and grasp the new commandments.”

“To be frank, even I never understood this concept of yours. How can you love two girls at the same time? I really don’t get that. What in the world are you? The choice needs to be made. Latika or Sana. Your call, you decide.” His tone, as if he was making a statement. Inside, still worried about Raghav going wayward

“Why do I need to make a choice? I don’t feel like making it. I know I love Latika, and I know I love Sana too, and that too whole heartedly, without any discrimination. What I feel for one of them, is exactly similar to what I feel for the other. Trust me or do not trust me, the fact stands as a fact, and will stand as a fact, for what I am doing and for what I am believing in.” He said in quick words, quenching for air, at times. He ended up almost blabbering.

“But the problem.......” Zeus was stopped midway by Raghav. This time, angrier than ever

“The problem is not with me loving both of them. The problem is that the world, the freaking society that we live in thinks that it is wrong. It is because, the whole idea has been spoon feed to us, since ever and forever, that we find it difficult to accept the true things at times. The idea is to spread love, not to block it. The idea is to make as many as people around you feel special, not to degrade the opportunity. The idea is to have all those people who make you happy and make you feel loved in your life, not to choose amongst them. The idea is to do as you wish and like and not to listen to some unwritten unseen rules. The idea is to love, simply love, and nothing else.” He was almost on the verge of breaking down. Zeus went beside him, and put his arm around Raghav.

“The idea, this idea is yours mate. And because it is yours, don’t expect others to take to it, right away. There is a system in place, and you are spitting right in its fact.”

“I shall rather whack off in its face. That will calm me down.”

“Okay, okay. Whatever makes you happy. What are you planning to do now?”

“Go home. I am taking Latika out for dinner today.”

“Ah, good luck. Any plans of exposing yourself to her?” Zeus chuckled.

“Are you fucking mad. Already I am facing the consequences of telling it to one of them. I can’t take another shit load of emotional drama. Plus, Latika is more than fragile, I wonder, let aside understanding me, she would even be able to take it.”

“And Sana?”

“I shall deal with her later on”

“Tell me one thing, what in the world made you feel that Sana would understand. You, the artist friend of mine, what stupid thing did this writer think of, when he decided that Sana would understand.”

“Well, she loves animals, and she says that she knows their ways, and understands their acts” he said.

“So” Zeus still puzzled.

“So, animals roam around with random ones. They fuck around with random beings. They do not have a monogamy or a polygamy system. All of them, live together happily.” Raghav said, feeling stupid for what he had thought and why he had acted on it.

“You, my friend, do indeed have a long way to go, as far as love and as far as getting fucked up is concerned. Seriously, animals and humans, you find them similar?”

“At least both of them grow and live. And I know it is dumb. I was just making it up. Go fuck yourself. Ha ha ha ha ha! ”

“Are you......”

“I need to leave now. My date’s waiting”, he said, checking his cell phone.

Raghav darted out of the house, completing his sentence.

Zeus, on the other hand was worried. No one could control Raghav, not even he himself.

He went where the roads took him and where his mind guided him, and Zeus, was not have a good feeling about this whole scenario that was being built up. But was there any point in worrying?

He took out the pack of smokes that he had hid, and lighted a cigarette. Smokes were good. They, unlike humans, would always make you feel good at least. 

For you, a thousand times over

(The phone is ringing. She picks up after 4 rings. Let’s call her ‘The Girl’)

‘The Girl’: Hello..... Hello... Who’s this?

Guy: Hmmm. Hello

“Are you fucking kidding me? After all that has happened yesterday, you still have got the guts to call me Rahul. Seriously! And whose number is this anyway.”

“Please. I am sorry alright. And you know I do mean it, when I apologize. What happened yesterday was my fault, I agree. And I do feel bad about what you had to face. But you were not completely true either.”

“Look who is talking about the truth and the lies. You were the one, who told me that you were no longer talking to her.”

“And you were the one who told me that you would start trusting me. You very well know that I called her up after ages yesterday. I can’t let people go away from my life. You have been my friend since long. Of all the people, I expect you to understand me. I just can’t just chop people off from my life. She was an important part of me back then. She would keep coming back to me, okay!”

“I asked you, not to talk to her, because it was she, because of whom you were back to your old dark ways and days, and I don’t freaking want you to see that way again. Is it too much to ask for, that I want you to be happy?”

“I know, trust me, I know. That’s why I called you up, as soon as I woke up. Let’s meet up. Please, please. I have got to talk about something to you too”

“Forget it. I am not doing that! You can go and talk to your old friend. FRIEND!” She laughs, giving in, almost.

“We can do it two ways, alright. Either, you can say no and hang up on me, and feel bad, call me later in 30 minutes with an affirmative answer. Or I can keep on repeatedly saying please until you agree.” “Oh wait, Or you can simply say yes now. The third one’s a much brighter.”

“I’ve always wondered, and I guess would keep on wondering. How have you figured me out so well? 

You’ve got to tell me that. Anyways, you made me smile, you made my day. To thee I shall come, this evening.” (Giggling)

Sighs. “The same place?”

“Yes, the same place. Now go, I don’t want you to be thrown out of the class again, because you were late cause of my call. Bye, take care!”

“See ya, love!”.

‘The Girl’ arrives. The guy is already waiting. He sees her, and as usual, he gets all nervous. His eye balls all alert. ‘I have got to do this today. I can’t wait no longer. She needs to know. I need to tell her.’

They meet, they hug, they share a smile.

“Can we go for a walk?”

“What’s with you and ‘walking’. But to where?”

“Let’s just walk? Plus, give up with your ‘tough girl attitude’. Things are okay now”

“You have no idea, how worried you make me. All the times, all the bloody times you have to do something or the other. And it is me, here, who gets all worried and nervous.”

“See, okay. I understand! I totally do. Probably, that’s why I called you up today.”

“The way you are speaking, it does not sound good, at all!”

Hesitantly. “Let’s date?”

 “Are you out of your fucking mind? We have had this conversation a hundred times before and yet you are still at the same point. I cannot Rahul. I simply cannot. Not that I hate you or something. You know how much care for you. The thing is I don’t think it would work. It just won’t. Plus, you are smart, handsome intelligent, you can get any girl that you want.”

“You are beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, witty, and I can go on and on and run myself out of adjectives but I won’t be done, even then. You have been with other people and so have I. Why is that any of them did not work. ”

“Because I cannot be serious! My story ends there. I know what shall become of me some day. I have got no other option.”

“And I don’t need any fucking option. All that need is the assurance that I have you. Remember, ‘together we shall rule, see and swim the world’.”

“I do. Old days!.”

“Beautiful old days. Come back to the reality now!”

“I cannot do it. If things go wrong, both of us would lose each other. You have had the experience earlier, haven’t you?”

“After today, things would never be the same again. I very well know that”

“Well, hmm..”

“I am not asking you to be my girl friend or something right away. Let’s go out, let’s date. Let’s spend some time with each other that way. If things have to work out, we both would know it for sure. And if there is nothing up on the horizon, I won’t bring this up ever again. All I want is a serious effort from your side. Something that you have not ever dared to try. Be mine, even if for a little while. Like those trial versions period. Let’s try to make things happen please”

“You should learn how not to make people cry! I just don’t know what to say. Yes, I do want to go out with you. Who would not want too? But the fear is too, too big for the love to survive.”

“If you are not happy the way things are working, you walk out. I shall not utter a word. Promise and yes, I would still be your mate.”

“You promise? And not a word if I say no later on? No questioning?”

“None, whatsoever”

“Why do you want this thing to work so badly? I know it’s killing you, yet you say yes to everything that I am asking for”

“That’s cause I want you to say yes for something that means the most to me. I want this; I want you, in my memories and my life both. That’s what I want. What I shall get, we will see. For the time being, all that I need is an assurance. Of togetherness, with you. of few hours, of few days, of few weeks!”

“In that case, your wish has been granted. Yes, I will date you, I would go out with you, and I will spend time with you. I will try to make it work”

“So................ let’s get moving then”

“To where?”

“I have arranged things.”

“How did you know I would agree?”

“I just knew”(winks). “And yes, no more questions. I have already said lots of ‘Yes’ today. I am not revealing anything.”

“I hope it’s something good mister. The future depends on it.”

She laughs, they both laugh. They drive off.

Wrapping up 2011

The clock’s ticking past 3:52 am and the calendar reads the date 29 Dec 2011 and the very fact that there are just two days left for the New Year to commence makes me feel something. I am charmed, happy, looking at the things that I have been through in this one year. The New Year morning was anything but happening and I still remember waking up with the Mechanics of Solids text book. Clueless, in all of its literal meaning, completely, wondering why am I even around. As a matter of fact I was rather living inside a Collage of Chaos, designed by who-knows-who! But the fact remained the same. I was not content, or most importantly happy. But then as they say, good things come, does not matter if the arrival is pretty late, but then, when they come, expect truckloads! Truestory! Experienced

Cut copy paste. June 21, 2011. Well, that date represents my birthday, and for the first time in 19 years, I had friends at my place at the stroke of midnight, and let me tell you, writing down overwhelming a hundred times would not reach anywhere near what I had felt on the very day for I remember spending most of my school days in solitude. When I say friends, I am talking about two of the few assholes, dickheads, mates, chums, Chutiyas or whatever you may like to call them, who matter the most to me. Thank you for dropping by, thank you for giving a kick start to the better half of my year and yeah- Shalin Sitwala and Hardik Desai.

It sometimes amazes me how two best friends turn into the mightiest foes, all because of a girl, save what happened to me was completely opposite. If not for her, I would not have had you in my life. Yes, Bobby (you can fuck me for making this public). And after that we have been on a roll baby. The innumerable times we chatted over the smokes, of ‘the girl’, of ‘the things’ and all of the bullshits. Also, if not for you, I would not have been the same. - Fenil Shah

First of the fucking all, you introduced me to Entourage, you changed my world. Rest everything is aside! And you know what, it may sound stupid, at least for a few, but then I actually see the four of us, somewhere inside it. Let’s not get into the details! Thank you for clicking all those ‘profile pictures’ of mine and also for your tips regarding you-know-what.
PS: I expect you to thank me, for all of the things that you carried out at my place. Period! – Dhwanil Mukhtiyar.

As far as you are concerned, it was all about the Divya Bhaskar thing and the stories regarding how you became the infamous Rajni of our Cult. And, why not! No one deserves the title more than you. For your long legs and the long list of movies that you passed on to me, I thank you- Jay Parikh.

She came into my life and filled it with love. The irony is, she was not my girl friend. They say relationships over facebook are fake, I say you do not know what relationships are. Always there to charm me up during my mood swings, to say I love you more for more than 100 times a day, and to sing for me and for making all those funny faces. Yes, a little sister who resides in a far away land. You mean a lot to me, and I do love you, a lot. – Nasra

No matter how big your so called group may be, you would always have one friend, who would be from a whole different sphere, completely. You were always there for me, when I needed you. Literally a single phone call away. ‘Amul, in 5’ and you would be there. The things I have told you, the things we have shared, and all the wonderful times we had, along with the ice creams of course.- Miti Desai

Well, if there is something that makes my college life interesting, then it has to be my friends! The birthdays, the Alcohol and our ever beloved Anda Rice. Irrespective of the fact whether we meet outside the college gates, brushing aside the arguments of how much I eat and how much less I pay, you people at least make my life inside bearable, in literal sense. – Binaz, Mehul, Tanvi, Steve, Varsha, Navneet, Shanky and all others.

You came back to our household, after already being through much, and let me tell you, that was it! You have been much, much better for what I was expecting from an elder sister. And I take this opportunity to say, to mention that you indeed mean a lot to me. Yes, I have been a utter bastard, nothing less than an asshole to you at times, but then that’s what I am, and I guess probably you have started getting the hold me lately. Yes you can laugh your ass of when you read this in the morning and I would be fast asleep in the very next room.  Love- Revathy. 

Our car rides and the late evening sneak outs, the suicide talks and the the philosophical advices! Oh, yeah and also for waiting for a good song to be played on the radio, with me. And yeah, you have to teach me driving. And yeah, I am sorry! :P. Wasn't intentional though. Plus, the Mexican dish still remains. You you darling. - Tanvi Thakkar.

Out of all the girls I have been with, you were the one who moved me the most. And more than love, it was admiration and affection, and the beauty of the bond that we shared. Though we do not talk much now, but then you had to feature in here and you know why. For brining the change in me- Zoya Singh

For someone like me, who run out of friends very easily, getting a completely new, random person added to my life was nothing less than a miracle. An amazing fact! Though we are friends for like what, 2 months now, both of us, or at least I know, how good and great the bond is. Let it remain the same, until the end.- Krishna

Acchan and Amma. Yes we have had our on differences, but we have been on the same side too. I may be a disaster as a son, but then, I know, things are getting better and they would be at their best, soon. Though you do not know what more than half of my life is all about, you have always caressed me! Yes, I am blunt, but then you have been at the wrong end too. Love you both. You are the reason for my existence!

Amaan, for always appreciating my work and Nidhi, for being the support system that you are. It was you, to whom I turned, the last time I was fucked up to the core. And Amaan, all those talks, both meaningful and senseless! I seriously LOL at them, at times.

Last but not the least, all of you, who encouraged me to get back to writing. Especially the first four guys! If not for you, I would still have been living amidst of frustration, thinking of things and not knowing what to do about it! Be there always. Love me!

And as I said, the year has been special! No, rather divine.

PS: Yes, as far as the memories go, I have left out lot many things, not purposely though. You all know how senti I get ,right? And yeah, Sohni Rao, I completely forgot you. Sorry!
Good bye the year 2011.

The unanswered question

Love! I wonder at times, why is that the each and every moment of our life that has gone past, that will come and even the ones in which we are living are, in some or the other way, entwined around this enchanting feeling, and even why not. As The Beatles used to preach, “All you need is love.” Isn’t that true? Most of the people feel lonely, or feel bad about themselves, because they do not have any one around them, who would tell them how amazing they are, how special they are and how much their existence means to them. Solitude can be ecstatic only if you urge for it. Otherwise, it is just like standing in the middle of the road, with cars screeching past you, and all that you have to do is keep starring at the horizon, the far horizon, with a hope inside that someone would come looking for you, from that vast mass that lay ahead. To love you, to embrace you, arms in which you could melt, the bare shoulders on which you could cry, the mere touch that would ignite the lost wish inside you to live your life again. Such is the power that it holds, such is the beauty contained in it.



There was a boy, like you, like me, any random face from the crowd and sadly or gladly he too had to commit the sin. The sin of falling in love, the forbidden fruit as they would have said. And who would not have fallen for her too. She was the epitome of beauty. The first time they met, he could not take his eyes off her, even for a single microsecond, LITERALLY. There was something about her that kept him spellbound. Each time she ran her palms through her hair, his insides wished if she would do it again. Again so that he could see her fair tender hands against her black hair. An effortless effort it was. Enthralling beauty. This female specimen was fragile and every time he saw her walk, he felt as if she’s longing for a helping hand. He wanted to be that helping hand. She was in pain, not physically but emotionally. She had been through her deal of phases, and the sad part was that it was not the end. It would be time, until the sun shines upon her again and this very thought killed him from within. It was something, about which he could not do anything, but to watch her live through it and the very thought itself disturbed him very much. Cause he had always been taught that if only one could make the sorrows of their beloved fly away, they had the right to love them and be loved back.



But then again, he sees her playing with her hair, as she talked. Completely unaware of what treat she was to him, her actions, she continued. The occasional drama that she did, the looks that she gave him, the honest attempts of hers to laugh at the senseless jokes that he made, in an attempt to prove that he was not a bore, which in this case, he totally was. Now and then, the sun rays would fall on her face and she could see her ear rings shining against it, as if they were seeking his attention. But he was determined and the gaze still remained on her. All that he wanted to do was to hold her in his arms, to let his heart beats speak of what he felt for her, to let the strength of his hold decide how much he wanted her to be there. The irony was he did not know, yet, if she felt the same.
A millions times the question had already gone past him, if he should take the chance, if he should tell her about the little dream that he nurtures, and then again, as with everyone, he too was scared. A NO would always be disheartening, but what he feared was isolation. He had been alone in the past, and he did not want a repetition in the future. What he wanted was her.



With all the courage and with all his might, he took her hand in his. There was a tiny mole on her forearm. So, so perfect that anywhere else it would not have been this perfect. She looked at him, and he already had his eyes fixed upon her. For a moment he forgot everything, for beautiful eye lashes she had. Each time her eyes flickered, each time her eyes closed, he wanted to fly away with her so that when her eyes opened, they would have been in a fairy tale land, where everything and everyone would be happy. Some dreams can never come true! Trapping all the air that his lungs can, he finally confesses. The emotions flowing out like a brimming river. All that he had dreamed of saying to her, all that he had wanted to express, his wish, the desire in him to have her as his. And then there was silence that would have even put death to shame. The silence which was unbearable! The answer had not yet come.

Roads

Roads
At it’s end, the end of it,
                I saw something, did I see?
Lost I thought, I was.
                But the lights led me through all those roads.

Roads, roads, roads and roads
                You and Me we all do belong,
Some do cheat, some play fair,
                But once they are done, they seldom care.

Urge I felt, while I walked down,
                To look right back, to dash back,
To know why I took the path I choose
                Though I knew what I was finding though

Was it my greed?, was it my fight,?
But then everybody has their own fight
But on my part I had enough
                Greed it was, I knew certain.





Ecstatic, I too wanted to feel,
                Had been enough and done and through
Down the hill…
There wasn’t a light, It wasn’t a source
Perhaps , No indeed it was me.

Loner I stand, Loner I stood
                In this path, or ever in my life.
Loner I know I will always stand
                No one to heed, None to look about.

I choose what I had, hadn’t I, ? Did I?
Coming back again to the same cross roads.
Again I start Looking at the far end,
                To see what I want, to make it happen.

Roads, roads, roads and roads
                You and me, all of us stand,
Some will cheat, some would play fair
                And once they are done again
                                Will they ever bother to care?

Demise? Final Pit Stop?

  I was in my sleep. Far away I could hear wailing , crying, despair. A woman, no women in fact. It was disturbing. Sadness should always be despised, expelled, warded off. Life has taught me that. I tried to ignore that. Disquieting dreams should never be encouraged. I tried to doze back of again. Impossible!! It started becoming further more intense, the feeling took over and then I woke up. But then it was strange.  It wasn’t a dream that contained all that howling in. It was happening somewhere, somewhere really,  really close . I got up. It was 6 30 am. Not at all my time to wake up. Miles to go for it. It could be an inception of some sort, I wondered, and laughed off the thought the very next moment. But then, the front door, the living room was open. And then I was stunned, numb. All of that what I was experiencing was not any  supernatural-extra terrestrial state. It was something normal, something all of us would have to face, with no alternative given. Death. Some one had just died. MY neighbour was that some one.

                                Cancer it was. Though he had totally recovered from it a year back, it had to come back to him, and then engulfed him. He was not old, not young. Two children, both working, one married with a kid. No smokes, no alcohol. It was more of a surprise when he was diagnosed with it, in the first place. But then the so called creator is good with putting good people through a lot, isn’t he?. And now I was standing there, at their door step. The mortal body, soul less, motionless, lay there stock-still. People, family, friends, associates, all came to pay their homage.  Then came out a woman, almost unconscious, held by two other females. She was the wife. Her manifestation itself stated that, followed by the daughter, who was still in her senses, and that was the sad part. Cause she was still not over the truth that laid before her . A glimpse, and then they were taken away. A young lad ,around 28, stood there, and looked at the duo. And then he collapsed like an avalanche . He was the son.  He too was pulled away. On the stairs sat a man of 80. The father, rattling some philosophies. The news was too much for him to bear. He had already cried his part out. He seemed the most sensible. Sign of a man who has seen the world enough and has all the incidents of life holed up inside him. A distant relative was consoling them, and asking them to be stone hearted, strong, cause they knew it was coming. Tears were not going to help, he was saying. And I was like, we would see tough guy, when you go through the same.

                Death is so common yet so weird. It the way people associate death. And in the light of the same demented feeling I wondered. What if the soul, free from shackles, was sitting beside his carcass. Looking at his family, looking at the mass gathered to mourn his departure from the living world. How sad he would be to see his loved ones crying. I could think of him trying to convince them not to cry, cause he was now free. But the irony was I could then think of him being happy, seeing all the people who had gathered. It was cause they loved him. Being loved is a beautiful feeling.  Doesn’t matter before or after death. Irrespective of the fact of the source of love! When you are being thought of, you have done something worth with your life. Period!

                                Life is like compilation of many truths, small big. Death being the most dominant along with birth. Like Bryant McGill said, “ Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns”. We know we are going to end up at the same state. No matter how much yoga we were to practice, innumerable botox intakes, and all the responses to the TV adds that promises you to add extra years into their lives lets face it, You gonna be dead. Before or after your loved ones. No escaping from it. People never realize it, or perhaps they are acting that they can not figure it out. No one is satisfied, but then it’s the human nature to always ask for more if its available for free. But then cause of the indifference he dies much before his actual death. Thinking all these couldn’t help my cause of reaching any where near the birth-death cycle. I could not agree more to Maurice Maeterlinck . He had once hailed, “All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.” So true!