The root of 'em all!

Tick tick tock. Tick tick tock. Tick tick tock.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh. Goddddddddddd!!!!!”

“What happened baby? What happened?” She asked him, holding his sweaty temple close to her bosom, caressing his back. He was shivering, he was shivering badly. He was almost on the verge of breaking down. His hands were scrambling for a grip around her back, but they kept on falling. They just could not be stable. They had become weak, they screamed, they urged for a little bit of power, just so as to make sure they could put themselves around her soft, skinny soft shoulders. A goldfish out in open would have been much, much more calmer.

“It’s the same nightmare, Latika. The same fucking one. The wooden bench, it creaked even today. The old house, the red door, the church, the valley, the beach, the wind, you, me! Every single thing. Same as before. Each small detail, as large as it can get.” Raghav was short of air, his breath out of his control, each time as he spoke. It seemed that he needed air bags, lots of them. Each time he would fill his chest with air, tons of it, but it would all come out in seconds. He was devastated, it was nowhere near morning. Latika put him back to sleep. It was nothing new for her. It was nothing new for him. Nightmares come and go, the same ones usually don’t come back though. For Raghav, it was a video being played again and again. The repeat mode, again, and again and again, haunting him. Was it a message being delivered, or it was just a simple coincidence. The only moment that we care is when it shows up.

***

A brand new morning. Raghav and Latika lay amongst the heap of bed sheets and quilts and sweat, in each other’s arms. Last night was another one of their ecstatic love making nights. They kissed, they bit, their arms clutched each other’s body while their legs crawled on each other. He was in her, and she invited him in, each single time, with more passion every time. They were intense, the lust took over, and their love spoke of in actions and emotions, once more, for one more night, like the many that had gone by, like the last night, and like the many nights that are yet to come.

“Why do you smoke so much? How many times do I have to tell you”, Latika said, looking at Raghav, who stood at the window, letting out smoke globes, one after the other, after the other. Her eyes were the typical, totally Indian, and her eye lashes! Probably they are the biggest and the most beautiful of its kind.

“I can stop, only if you promise to start round two, right now, right here” he said, wincing at her. He moved towards her. They kissed, passionately. Their kisses were more intense and passionate and lustful than the love making sessions of other couples. Such was their love, such was their attachment and such was the addictiveness that they had for each other. In each other’s presence, they felt powerful and powerless at the same time. She was his kryptonite, and with him, she wanted to let go of everything that she was and she had, except her feminine self.

And then Raghav was again at the window, in the world of drags and puffs, and nicotine.

“You are taking that job right?” inquired Latika.

“No, I am not” he replied, calm, as always.

“We need money, Raghav, we need it”

“You need money, not me.”

“And you borrow it from me.”

“Borrowing would have been a fair term, only if it was used by a fair soul. Not by someone, who sells her soul.”

“You, and your ideals, and your stubbornness. It’s not going to take you anywhere”, she darted back at him.

“I thought having you was the ultimate prize, and I needed nothing more” he giggled. In a subtle way, he mocked at her.

“What in the world, do you think  you are, the idealist? Why don’t you take the fucking job? You think you are the first man in the world, to stand up for the things that he believes in?” she was red, and furious, and it was as obvious as the sun, shinning over their head. And he, was finding her cute.

“I don’t want to take the fucking job, because it would kill me to work for them. It would kill me if they will sabotage my work. It will kill me if they change even a single fucking syllable from my work. It will kill me so bad, that all that I would want to do is to take an axe and butcher every single piece of meat in their body. I am the fucking writer, they are not. It would kill me, if someone who does not have a fucking idea about the whole thing, passes a judgement about the shit that I write, and changes it the way that they want. It would fucking kill me! Is it that difficult to understand? Is it that fucking difficult to understand?” he had become an epitome of anger now. All of the hatred, and the loathing that he had for the world outside was coming out now, all at once . For Raghav, it was always like nothing or everything. Love, anger, hatred, humour, sex, lust, fights, work, art, passion, everything had to be at their topmost level, or else, they should cease to exist. That’s how things worked for him. That’s how things should work for the world, he had always thought. Half a mile stuck in the middle was not going to help anyone.

“But baby, its good money. You need to survive. Money is important. For us, for everyone. At some point or the other, you have to become like those millions of people breathing on this earth. You, like them, would have to compromise, if not now, later. Do it now! Now is the good time.”

“Let me ask you one thing Latika. Why did you fall in love with me? Why do you love me still?”

“Bullshit!”

“Answer me love, answer me? Why?” Almost on the verge of screaming

“Because you are you. Is that fair enough?”

“More than what I had asked for! If you loved me for what I am, why do you want me to change, now?”

“Talking to you is useless. You have a lot to offer to this world. And if you are planning on wasting all of it, your works, your words, and your thoughts, on these stupid ideals of yours, then you are going to regret everything.”

“Latika, I know you love me, and you care for me, and you want me to have all of the fame that you think  I deserve, but I don’t want it to come this way. My works, my words, and my thoughts are all part of my ideals. Only I and I only can understand that, they cannot. Not even a single bit of it. So if they want me, they have to keep me, as I would like myself to be kept.”

“You are a bastard, and I still love you. I need to leave. This room has at least one working professional. “Sarcasm intended, straight at you, in your face.”

“How much time do we have before that?”

“30 minutes”

“Well Paulo Coelho says all that we need is 11 minutes. Let’s make it quick then” he threw his cigarette, jumped into the bed, she jumped onto him. They made love. As passionately as ever!

***

“I understand. It’s okay. Something that you love, will come up soon” Sana said, running her hands through Raghav’s hair. Her fingers were soft, they were fragile. Every time she ran them through his scalp, he shrugged, the feeling made him comfortable and loved, in ways that others would never understand or comprehend.

“Yeah, I know something will come up, and that too soon. I can feel it, this is my year. The year, when it all shall change, and I shall get my share of the meat.” He moved closer to her, on the bed, and pulled her closer.

“Is this the case with all of you artists? Sleeping around? Banging random ladies? All that you need is a holy hole, right? And you know what the worst part is? I can’t ever say no to you, ever, even though I know you love her.”

“First of all, it is not about getting laid or something. You and I, both know where my count would have reached, in case I was looking for some bed room, court room or any other room kind of action, whatsoever. The point is that I am not.” He tried to explain to her.

“Then what, ha? Then what? What do you call all of this? You love her, and you make lover to her. You come here later, and make love to me. And then when I ask you about all of it, you say you love me too. What in the world is wrong with you?” she furiously questioned him

“No, I love you.”

“And her? You might probably love her too, right?” Interrogation continuing.

“Yes, I love her too.” He answered plainly

“Raghav, every time you want to see me, you walk into this house, you pick me up, and drop me on this bed, and we make love. That’s the part which is true, and something that makes me happy. But the part where you say you love Latika and me, both, that’s something that I’ll never believe in, something that’s not at all considerable. Either of us, it has to be.”

“Why are you doing this to me?  Love is what this whole world believes in. Love is what all of us urge for. Love is what’s missing from the world, and that is killing the world. You, on the other hand, are getting all of it from me. I love you, with all my heart, with every inch of skin on my body, with my arms, legs, body, soul, hair, nails, and everything, as weird as it may seem. Why do you doubt that? Why kill with complexity, when simplicity already prevails.”

“You either call me your whore, or call her your slut. But either ways, you have to make a decision, someday, sometime. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday. Someday you’ll have to answer the questions.”

“I am answerable to what?”

“To playing with both of our lives. And the sad part is that, she still doesn’t know.”

“I said this to you, cause I expected you to understand. But you, you have turned into the ways of all the slimy pricks that live around me.”

He got out from the bed, fetched his clothes, lighted a cigarette, and barged out of the room. She was still there in bed, in dilemma, of whether she should be sad for chocking her love with her own hands, or congratulating herself for facing her demons.

Like always, she was at the receiving end.

***

“Why did you have to tell it to her in the first place?” Zeus screamed at Raghav. They have been friends since long, probably the only one that Raghav had. Dealing with Raghav in all of his fame and fury, at all the times, was not an easy task to do. And to be there with him, during all of the times that Raghav would break down, was indeed a task! TASK. They were not friends. Probably English was at loss of words, to describe what they had.

Any human being, would get astonished, when he would hear the tale of friendship that Raghav and Zeus shared. Zeus fell in love with Sofia, they broke up. Raghav fell in love with Sofia, later on, and they broke up too. Zeus and Raghav fell in friendship with each other, meanwhile, and they never broke up. It would probably have been the first incident in the world, where a girl was responsible for two guys coming together, rather than fighting it out, till their last breath, for her.

What these two guys shared was beyond limitations. Probably, because of the fact that Zeus tried to comprehend all of the things that Raghav used to throw at his brains. And as the time passed, it turned out that Raghav would only open himself to Zeus, because with him, he did not have the worry of being judged, and most importantly, he knew that he would not have to worry about losing him. He knew that he had the assurance that he would not have to cry because of the vacuum created by Zeus’s absence, ever!

“Come back to your senses again. And please, stop smoking. It’s going to kill you soon.” Zeus screamed, looking at Raghav, who had gone silent, since his arrival. All that he did in the past half an hour was to look outside and smoke a cigarette, one after other after other.

“What, I am sorry. I don’t know. I just thought that she would understand. She does not. And now I have the fear of losing her.”

“No one does mate. No one does.” Zeus tried to console him.

“Yeah, no one fucking does. Seriously, and deep down, it kills me, to know that the message is misread, in all of the unexpected, unwanted and undesired ways.” He threw the bud out of the window, and started scanning the house for more.

“There are no more. Now you do not smoke. Now you sit down, talk it out, and get it out of your system.” Zeus tried to sound smart. Inside he wished Raghav would not recoil back.

“Why does the world say that we can love only one person? Who decides the criteria? Who fucking does? We human beings, when we believe in something for once, we are so stubborn, it is too  embarrassing for us to get over with those pre written facts and grasp the new commandments.”

“To be frank, even I never understood this concept of yours. How can you love two girls at the same time? I really don’t get that. What in the world are you? The choice needs to be made. Latika or Sana. Your call, you decide.” His tone, as if he was making a statement. Inside, still worried about Raghav going wayward

“Why do I need to make a choice? I don’t feel like making it. I know I love Latika, and I know I love Sana too, and that too whole heartedly, without any discrimination. What I feel for one of them, is exactly similar to what I feel for the other. Trust me or do not trust me, the fact stands as a fact, and will stand as a fact, for what I am doing and for what I am believing in.” He said in quick words, quenching for air, at times. He ended up almost blabbering.

“But the problem.......” Zeus was stopped midway by Raghav. This time, angrier than ever

“The problem is not with me loving both of them. The problem is that the world, the freaking society that we live in thinks that it is wrong. It is because, the whole idea has been spoon feed to us, since ever and forever, that we find it difficult to accept the true things at times. The idea is to spread love, not to block it. The idea is to make as many as people around you feel special, not to degrade the opportunity. The idea is to have all those people who make you happy and make you feel loved in your life, not to choose amongst them. The idea is to do as you wish and like and not to listen to some unwritten unseen rules. The idea is to love, simply love, and nothing else.” He was almost on the verge of breaking down. Zeus went beside him, and put his arm around Raghav.

“The idea, this idea is yours mate. And because it is yours, don’t expect others to take to it, right away. There is a system in place, and you are spitting right in its fact.”

“I shall rather whack off in its face. That will calm me down.”

“Okay, okay. Whatever makes you happy. What are you planning to do now?”

“Go home. I am taking Latika out for dinner today.”

“Ah, good luck. Any plans of exposing yourself to her?” Zeus chuckled.

“Are you fucking mad. Already I am facing the consequences of telling it to one of them. I can’t take another shit load of emotional drama. Plus, Latika is more than fragile, I wonder, let aside understanding me, she would even be able to take it.”

“And Sana?”

“I shall deal with her later on”

“Tell me one thing, what in the world made you feel that Sana would understand. You, the artist friend of mine, what stupid thing did this writer think of, when he decided that Sana would understand.”

“Well, she loves animals, and she says that she knows their ways, and understands their acts” he said.

“So” Zeus still puzzled.

“So, animals roam around with random ones. They fuck around with random beings. They do not have a monogamy or a polygamy system. All of them, live together happily.” Raghav said, feeling stupid for what he had thought and why he had acted on it.

“You, my friend, do indeed have a long way to go, as far as love and as far as getting fucked up is concerned. Seriously, animals and humans, you find them similar?”

“At least both of them grow and live. And I know it is dumb. I was just making it up. Go fuck yourself. Ha ha ha ha ha! ”

“Are you......”

“I need to leave now. My date’s waiting”, he said, checking his cell phone.

Raghav darted out of the house, completing his sentence.

Zeus, on the other hand was worried. No one could control Raghav, not even he himself.

He went where the roads took him and where his mind guided him, and Zeus, was not have a good feeling about this whole scenario that was being built up. But was there any point in worrying?

He took out the pack of smokes that he had hid, and lighted a cigarette. Smokes were good. They, unlike humans, would always make you feel good at least.