Wrapping up 2011

The clock’s ticking past 3:52 am and the calendar reads the date 29 Dec 2011 and the very fact that there are just two days left for the New Year to commence makes me feel something. I am charmed, happy, looking at the things that I have been through in this one year. The New Year morning was anything but happening and I still remember waking up with the Mechanics of Solids text book. Clueless, in all of its literal meaning, completely, wondering why am I even around. As a matter of fact I was rather living inside a Collage of Chaos, designed by who-knows-who! But the fact remained the same. I was not content, or most importantly happy. But then as they say, good things come, does not matter if the arrival is pretty late, but then, when they come, expect truckloads! Truestory! Experienced

Cut copy paste. June 21, 2011. Well, that date represents my birthday, and for the first time in 19 years, I had friends at my place at the stroke of midnight, and let me tell you, writing down overwhelming a hundred times would not reach anywhere near what I had felt on the very day for I remember spending most of my school days in solitude. When I say friends, I am talking about two of the few assholes, dickheads, mates, chums, Chutiyas or whatever you may like to call them, who matter the most to me. Thank you for dropping by, thank you for giving a kick start to the better half of my year and yeah- Shalin Sitwala and Hardik Desai.

It sometimes amazes me how two best friends turn into the mightiest foes, all because of a girl, save what happened to me was completely opposite. If not for her, I would not have had you in my life. Yes, Bobby (you can fuck me for making this public). And after that we have been on a roll baby. The innumerable times we chatted over the smokes, of ‘the girl’, of ‘the things’ and all of the bullshits. Also, if not for you, I would not have been the same. - Fenil Shah

First of the fucking all, you introduced me to Entourage, you changed my world. Rest everything is aside! And you know what, it may sound stupid, at least for a few, but then I actually see the four of us, somewhere inside it. Let’s not get into the details! Thank you for clicking all those ‘profile pictures’ of mine and also for your tips regarding you-know-what.
PS: I expect you to thank me, for all of the things that you carried out at my place. Period! – Dhwanil Mukhtiyar.

As far as you are concerned, it was all about the Divya Bhaskar thing and the stories regarding how you became the infamous Rajni of our Cult. And, why not! No one deserves the title more than you. For your long legs and the long list of movies that you passed on to me, I thank you- Jay Parikh.

She came into my life and filled it with love. The irony is, she was not my girl friend. They say relationships over facebook are fake, I say you do not know what relationships are. Always there to charm me up during my mood swings, to say I love you more for more than 100 times a day, and to sing for me and for making all those funny faces. Yes, a little sister who resides in a far away land. You mean a lot to me, and I do love you, a lot. – Nasra

No matter how big your so called group may be, you would always have one friend, who would be from a whole different sphere, completely. You were always there for me, when I needed you. Literally a single phone call away. ‘Amul, in 5’ and you would be there. The things I have told you, the things we have shared, and all the wonderful times we had, along with the ice creams of course.- Miti Desai

Well, if there is something that makes my college life interesting, then it has to be my friends! The birthdays, the Alcohol and our ever beloved Anda Rice. Irrespective of the fact whether we meet outside the college gates, brushing aside the arguments of how much I eat and how much less I pay, you people at least make my life inside bearable, in literal sense. – Binaz, Mehul, Tanvi, Steve, Varsha, Navneet, Shanky and all others.

You came back to our household, after already being through much, and let me tell you, that was it! You have been much, much better for what I was expecting from an elder sister. And I take this opportunity to say, to mention that you indeed mean a lot to me. Yes, I have been a utter bastard, nothing less than an asshole to you at times, but then that’s what I am, and I guess probably you have started getting the hold me lately. Yes you can laugh your ass of when you read this in the morning and I would be fast asleep in the very next room.  Love- Revathy. 

Our car rides and the late evening sneak outs, the suicide talks and the the philosophical advices! Oh, yeah and also for waiting for a good song to be played on the radio, with me. And yeah, you have to teach me driving. And yeah, I am sorry! :P. Wasn't intentional though. Plus, the Mexican dish still remains. You you darling. - Tanvi Thakkar.

Out of all the girls I have been with, you were the one who moved me the most. And more than love, it was admiration and affection, and the beauty of the bond that we shared. Though we do not talk much now, but then you had to feature in here and you know why. For brining the change in me- Zoya Singh

For someone like me, who run out of friends very easily, getting a completely new, random person added to my life was nothing less than a miracle. An amazing fact! Though we are friends for like what, 2 months now, both of us, or at least I know, how good and great the bond is. Let it remain the same, until the end.- Krishna

Acchan and Amma. Yes we have had our on differences, but we have been on the same side too. I may be a disaster as a son, but then, I know, things are getting better and they would be at their best, soon. Though you do not know what more than half of my life is all about, you have always caressed me! Yes, I am blunt, but then you have been at the wrong end too. Love you both. You are the reason for my existence!

Amaan, for always appreciating my work and Nidhi, for being the support system that you are. It was you, to whom I turned, the last time I was fucked up to the core. And Amaan, all those talks, both meaningful and senseless! I seriously LOL at them, at times.

Last but not the least, all of you, who encouraged me to get back to writing. Especially the first four guys! If not for you, I would still have been living amidst of frustration, thinking of things and not knowing what to do about it! Be there always. Love me!

And as I said, the year has been special! No, rather divine.

PS: Yes, as far as the memories go, I have left out lot many things, not purposely though. You all know how senti I get ,right? And yeah, Sohni Rao, I completely forgot you. Sorry!
Good bye the year 2011.

The unanswered question

Love! I wonder at times, why is that the each and every moment of our life that has gone past, that will come and even the ones in which we are living are, in some or the other way, entwined around this enchanting feeling, and even why not. As The Beatles used to preach, “All you need is love.” Isn’t that true? Most of the people feel lonely, or feel bad about themselves, because they do not have any one around them, who would tell them how amazing they are, how special they are and how much their existence means to them. Solitude can be ecstatic only if you urge for it. Otherwise, it is just like standing in the middle of the road, with cars screeching past you, and all that you have to do is keep starring at the horizon, the far horizon, with a hope inside that someone would come looking for you, from that vast mass that lay ahead. To love you, to embrace you, arms in which you could melt, the bare shoulders on which you could cry, the mere touch that would ignite the lost wish inside you to live your life again. Such is the power that it holds, such is the beauty contained in it.



There was a boy, like you, like me, any random face from the crowd and sadly or gladly he too had to commit the sin. The sin of falling in love, the forbidden fruit as they would have said. And who would not have fallen for her too. She was the epitome of beauty. The first time they met, he could not take his eyes off her, even for a single microsecond, LITERALLY. There was something about her that kept him spellbound. Each time she ran her palms through her hair, his insides wished if she would do it again. Again so that he could see her fair tender hands against her black hair. An effortless effort it was. Enthralling beauty. This female specimen was fragile and every time he saw her walk, he felt as if she’s longing for a helping hand. He wanted to be that helping hand. She was in pain, not physically but emotionally. She had been through her deal of phases, and the sad part was that it was not the end. It would be time, until the sun shines upon her again and this very thought killed him from within. It was something, about which he could not do anything, but to watch her live through it and the very thought itself disturbed him very much. Cause he had always been taught that if only one could make the sorrows of their beloved fly away, they had the right to love them and be loved back.



But then again, he sees her playing with her hair, as she talked. Completely unaware of what treat she was to him, her actions, she continued. The occasional drama that she did, the looks that she gave him, the honest attempts of hers to laugh at the senseless jokes that he made, in an attempt to prove that he was not a bore, which in this case, he totally was. Now and then, the sun rays would fall on her face and she could see her ear rings shining against it, as if they were seeking his attention. But he was determined and the gaze still remained on her. All that he wanted to do was to hold her in his arms, to let his heart beats speak of what he felt for her, to let the strength of his hold decide how much he wanted her to be there. The irony was he did not know, yet, if she felt the same.
A millions times the question had already gone past him, if he should take the chance, if he should tell her about the little dream that he nurtures, and then again, as with everyone, he too was scared. A NO would always be disheartening, but what he feared was isolation. He had been alone in the past, and he did not want a repetition in the future. What he wanted was her.



With all the courage and with all his might, he took her hand in his. There was a tiny mole on her forearm. So, so perfect that anywhere else it would not have been this perfect. She looked at him, and he already had his eyes fixed upon her. For a moment he forgot everything, for beautiful eye lashes she had. Each time her eyes flickered, each time her eyes closed, he wanted to fly away with her so that when her eyes opened, they would have been in a fairy tale land, where everything and everyone would be happy. Some dreams can never come true! Trapping all the air that his lungs can, he finally confesses. The emotions flowing out like a brimming river. All that he had dreamed of saying to her, all that he had wanted to express, his wish, the desire in him to have her as his. And then there was silence that would have even put death to shame. The silence which was unbearable! The answer had not yet come.

Roads

Roads
At it’s end, the end of it,
                I saw something, did I see?
Lost I thought, I was.
                But the lights led me through all those roads.

Roads, roads, roads and roads
                You and Me we all do belong,
Some do cheat, some play fair,
                But once they are done, they seldom care.

Urge I felt, while I walked down,
                To look right back, to dash back,
To know why I took the path I choose
                Though I knew what I was finding though

Was it my greed?, was it my fight,?
But then everybody has their own fight
But on my part I had enough
                Greed it was, I knew certain.





Ecstatic, I too wanted to feel,
                Had been enough and done and through
Down the hill…
There wasn’t a light, It wasn’t a source
Perhaps , No indeed it was me.

Loner I stand, Loner I stood
                In this path, or ever in my life.
Loner I know I will always stand
                No one to heed, None to look about.

I choose what I had, hadn’t I, ? Did I?
Coming back again to the same cross roads.
Again I start Looking at the far end,
                To see what I want, to make it happen.

Roads, roads, roads and roads
                You and me, all of us stand,
Some will cheat, some would play fair
                And once they are done again
                                Will they ever bother to care?

Demise? Final Pit Stop?

  I was in my sleep. Far away I could hear wailing , crying, despair. A woman, no women in fact. It was disturbing. Sadness should always be despised, expelled, warded off. Life has taught me that. I tried to ignore that. Disquieting dreams should never be encouraged. I tried to doze back of again. Impossible!! It started becoming further more intense, the feeling took over and then I woke up. But then it was strange.  It wasn’t a dream that contained all that howling in. It was happening somewhere, somewhere really,  really close . I got up. It was 6 30 am. Not at all my time to wake up. Miles to go for it. It could be an inception of some sort, I wondered, and laughed off the thought the very next moment. But then, the front door, the living room was open. And then I was stunned, numb. All of that what I was experiencing was not any  supernatural-extra terrestrial state. It was something normal, something all of us would have to face, with no alternative given. Death. Some one had just died. MY neighbour was that some one.

                                Cancer it was. Though he had totally recovered from it a year back, it had to come back to him, and then engulfed him. He was not old, not young. Two children, both working, one married with a kid. No smokes, no alcohol. It was more of a surprise when he was diagnosed with it, in the first place. But then the so called creator is good with putting good people through a lot, isn’t he?. And now I was standing there, at their door step. The mortal body, soul less, motionless, lay there stock-still. People, family, friends, associates, all came to pay their homage.  Then came out a woman, almost unconscious, held by two other females. She was the wife. Her manifestation itself stated that, followed by the daughter, who was still in her senses, and that was the sad part. Cause she was still not over the truth that laid before her . A glimpse, and then they were taken away. A young lad ,around 28, stood there, and looked at the duo. And then he collapsed like an avalanche . He was the son.  He too was pulled away. On the stairs sat a man of 80. The father, rattling some philosophies. The news was too much for him to bear. He had already cried his part out. He seemed the most sensible. Sign of a man who has seen the world enough and has all the incidents of life holed up inside him. A distant relative was consoling them, and asking them to be stone hearted, strong, cause they knew it was coming. Tears were not going to help, he was saying. And I was like, we would see tough guy, when you go through the same.

                Death is so common yet so weird. It the way people associate death. And in the light of the same demented feeling I wondered. What if the soul, free from shackles, was sitting beside his carcass. Looking at his family, looking at the mass gathered to mourn his departure from the living world. How sad he would be to see his loved ones crying. I could think of him trying to convince them not to cry, cause he was now free. But the irony was I could then think of him being happy, seeing all the people who had gathered. It was cause they loved him. Being loved is a beautiful feeling.  Doesn’t matter before or after death. Irrespective of the fact of the source of love! When you are being thought of, you have done something worth with your life. Period!

                                Life is like compilation of many truths, small big. Death being the most dominant along with birth. Like Bryant McGill said, “ Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns”. We know we are going to end up at the same state. No matter how much yoga we were to practice, innumerable botox intakes, and all the responses to the TV adds that promises you to add extra years into their lives lets face it, You gonna be dead. Before or after your loved ones. No escaping from it. People never realize it, or perhaps they are acting that they can not figure it out. No one is satisfied, but then it’s the human nature to always ask for more if its available for free. But then cause of the indifference he dies much before his actual death. Thinking all these couldn’t help my cause of reaching any where near the birth-death cycle. I could not agree more to Maurice Maeterlinck . He had once hailed, “All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.” So true!

Love, ever happend to you?.

He was standing there on the platform. People ruffled and whisked around him. It , to him seemed that he was the centrifuge, with everyone ruffling across him . It was almost time, he had heard the announcement. He had been on  call since long, EVEN now!. He was talking to some one, probably the same person even now. He heard a sound, far away it was. His heart skipped a beat, like always. He had been through this before, many a times. The same place,  same time, it was as if this part from his life that played on and on after rewinding itself, whenever he was at this place. He was anxious, he was happy, he was all confused, in the best way possible though.  The engine whisked past him, and his eyes started wandering, What was he looking for?! Only he knew. He saw his reflection, when the AC compartments were passing by. He didn’t like his hair the way it looked. He did a quick fix for that. He straightened  out his shirt a little. He looked okay now, at least as per his thoughts. And all this while talking on phone. It was someone on the train he was talking to. He kept on screaming loud, his voice fading out in the deafening sound of the train. “Kya che tu yaar. Mane nai dekhati tu. Where are you man. ?”  He kept on repeating the little editing versions of the same words every now and then. He excitement could not be hidden. And then he was still. Simply stand still. Hard like a rock. All but his face. He was smiling. He screamed into the receiver’s end of the phone, “There you are”. He  was not moving yet. As still as one can get. Even the tiniest particles were just still, cause the mere sight he saw was excruciating , but in a weird way. He liked being that.

The voice on the other side replied, “I can’t see you. Please tell me too where are you. It’s fair, you have seen me and I have not. You do this every time, don’t do this to me. Go to hell, I am not talking to you any more”. Her voice was eternal for him. He could have done anything for that kiddish, girlish, cute, amazing voice of hers.  It should have been so so special to him. That is the only reason , goosebumps attacked him every time they were about to have their rendezvous . He then walked, slowly, towards the door, where she was standing. The train was not still yet.

“Look back, I am right in front of the book stall you just passed by.”

“No luck still. Why do you have to do this every time, I am  seriously not talking to you.”

“Please. Come on you know I am not doing it, am I? Why would I ever tease you,?” he said . His voice cheeky.

The train stopped. He saw her , at the door, looking across the stream of people, searching for him. Then a smile, every guy’s dream. Something that everyone wishes for.  Devoid of all the vices, lust, pain, even happiness. It was love. Something at its purest attainable state ever.  Enlightenment may me.

They looked at each other. She got down, stood there looking at him, smiling, her attribute.  Himself, he thought, just another guy, most random one. He was in love. So was she. Beautiful much.

Towards, each other , they walked, and right there, in the middle of that crowd, all those people, they embraced each other.

“I love you” he said.

“Okay. So what?” She giggled. They laughed. Hands clamped . Both of them walked out.

                Creating something that has an element of love with it has to be amazing, isn’t it. All of us, at some or the other point in life must have experienced it. You can’t deny that. No you can’t. And once it happens, you are never the same.  It changes you, in and out, it adds many things to you. It gifts you memories. Memories that makes you laugh blankly, abruptly, out of the blue, starring at the dark corner, of your room. Memories that you can find similar to things happening around, or rather its your heart’s compulsion to relate it that way.  Memories that make you cry for no reason. They hurt you, they save you, they feed you and they themselves freak you too. Yes, they do, As ironic as it may seem, truth!!!! 

                People come close to you, you get attached, and then if then remain in your life until the end, you bloody well be the luckiest person alive on earth. Else, you go through a lot. A pain, a endeavor, that’s never ending,  a cut grown old by years, but still as fresh as a spring flower. And then the most thorny part is your friend telling you all those beautiful things he felt about his lady love, before he too got wrecked by life and you can’t just hear more cause even you have been through it in the past, and just were you thought you were done, its there , right in front of you again. Holding a mirror in front of you, You see yourself naked, and the part of the past inside you, through the skin. Indicating to remove separate it from you, you need to kill yourself first, or then else have the guts to live with it!! And then as they say , “you can’t hide your lying eyes.” Never from yourself, ever. Memories, that help you through the most loneliest moments you walk through, more as a shadows. Shadows are black, they are dark, but it’s always good to have company.

                You can’t have it all in life. Love is the most common one that falls in that genre , either you lose it acquiring it once, else you don’t get it at all. The latter part is more unforgiving. But whatever it is, how ever people say it is painful, How much ever you see all those pictures about denouncing love, you can’t  just run away.  After all , we all know, one of the most content phase of your life was true indeed was back then. Filling up the void is not easy, but not impossible too….  You never know when you would strike the cord right again ………

Ps: if any of my friends find any resemblance to any character or content in this article, yeah you are right, it is not at all a co incidence,,,,

Fast unto death, Justified?

Tens, hundreds, thousands,  millions .  Traders, employers, employees, entrepreneurs, men, woman, children.  In fact , and short, everyone. Well the last week has seen India becoming a circus for God knows why and what reasons. Probably, would even he know? Processions ,   demonstrations,  slogans, marches, candle light marches, caps, and what not. Anna Hazare, the second Gandhi, the new national hero, he has taken our country by storm indeed, and that too in style. Bows to him for that.

                Last night while I was sitting and thinking about what should my next venture be, I saw Ajjtak news flash, “Anna has lost 5 kilos of weight in a week of Annshan”. Somewhere I read a slogan, “Ye Anna nahi andhi hai, Desh ka naya Gandhi hai.”

                LOKPAAL BILL. Something that has been tearing apart the UPA  government, something that assures the people of India that it is time now. None would be spared from Punishment, not even the Prime minister. LokPaal Bill, something that talks about being the antidote for the biggest parasite thriving on our nation, corruption, something that promises our nation, us, our future generations, a better place to live. A thought, amazing one . Refreshing, replenishing, assurance of  a rising era.

                 It started a week before. Seeing no potential outcome for the fast that he had undertaken a few months back, Anna Hazare  decided that it was do or die for him now, now or never, never ever in future he is going to get another chance after this. And he gave a call, openly to each and every citizen of India to join him for his fast unto death, at Delhi. Citizens, for whom, the name had already had become household, poured in all their support too. Within minutes, he was behind bars,. And then started the so called August Kranti, the revolution, the rebellion, that even today is continuing, even at this hour. . But with a non violent aspect.           

                Ministers, leaders, big , small, all of them rushed to the Tihar jail, in  out, again in, again out. Just so as to convince the man to give up, to assure him his demands would be fulfilled, to tell him that his stipulations were primary concern that were to be undertaken soon. Even inside the jail he gatherd supporters, And when two days back, he was released, the man power behind him increased exponentially. Respect, utter respect for this guy, who’s doing this just for the future generation, who has no family to be selfish for, he has no greed behind this. All this just for the sake of us . But more or less, some where his paths, they don’t seem  right to me. Yet again, I am no one to judge, but as they say, I have the right to expression.

                No harm in all the marches and all, but how many of them even know what they are fighting for. An extraordinary factor is that the whole activity has been carried out with out troubling the people, with out jamming the roads, and with out shops being destroyed, or lit with fire (UK connection). And even after so much efforts, I would not be surprised if the bill would be passed. But what would surprise me would be the same people, who stand with it, would turn against it once it is put into practice.

                For us everything is about convenience, even bribing, . We bribe a policeman so that we don’t have a case charged up against us. We bribe an official so that one dosen’t have to stand in queues or run after the same place, for one and the same reason again and again.

                 Now coming to the core issue.  The issue of passing the bill by August 30 is utter non sense. If he has enough knowledge about the bill, then he should have more than enough information about how our Indian parliament system works. I mean it seriously takes  months to pass a biull even if both the houses and the President and the Prime Minister already agree upon it. So if he talks about passiong the bill by August 30, day dreaming is what I can say. And coming to the second aspect, more moral one though. Every one of us, does favour bribing, at some or the other level. And as I said, its for our convenience itself. The day the bill is passed, it is lost . The police man , whom we used to settle by 100 bucks, would drag us to court and ask us to settle things by paying 1400 more. No doubt the country would start cleaning up all its filth, but it would be worth watching to see even if half of the people who support it now, even know about it, and even if they know, would support it then. Cause they always say, Its easier said than done.  And talking about India, where even the government censes is in accurate, how the hell is the bill going to be evenly active. Can any one answer that. They tell us only 1411 tigers left, and when  we start the campaign about saving them, they tell is they are not sure about it. Some one to the rescue please.

                And at last but not the least. What if inspired by this act of heroism, someone stands up tomorrow, proclaiming fast unto death, for another reason, for another amendment may be, and seeing him again some one stands up for some other need of self or society. India is a democratic country, it is known for it, the only thing that is sustaining since ages. We don’t want to be destroyed too.  It should not be upto some individual who has a fan following base to decide things. I wonder what would happen if SRK starts a fast asking for complete tax exemption, considering the fan following he has.

                I am in favour of the bill being passed. But then the means should be something that makes sense. I do understand it for a noble cause, but it ain’t be in such a way that it makes a mess out of our system, and be set up as a bad example of our youth.

                Love for India.!!!!

Coins

They trade you , like you belong to them

            Think that they own,….

Nothing matters, wrong or right,

            Right or wrong , cause they don’t care

They want to take with, all this treasure, this filth,

            Set up their tombstones on coins..

Coins, which buy, Coins that sell…

            Coins my friend would put you through hell

Stringed puppets, they preside over

            Naïve, we are, we don’t even know

 Trap is set, the moment we are born..

            Life long at their mercy then..

Put up by us , to the power, to the throne.

            Power that turns them Blind.

Turn to leaches, they fuck up our lives.

            Born equal, But unequal we perish..

They want to take with, all this treasure, this filth,

            Set up their tombstones on coins..

Coins, which buy, Coins that sell…

            Coins my friend would put you through hell