Demise? Final Pit Stop?

  I was in my sleep. Far away I could hear wailing , crying, despair. A woman, no women in fact. It was disturbing. Sadness should always be despised, expelled, warded off. Life has taught me that. I tried to ignore that. Disquieting dreams should never be encouraged. I tried to doze back of again. Impossible!! It started becoming further more intense, the feeling took over and then I woke up. But then it was strange.  It wasn’t a dream that contained all that howling in. It was happening somewhere, somewhere really,  really close . I got up. It was 6 30 am. Not at all my time to wake up. Miles to go for it. It could be an inception of some sort, I wondered, and laughed off the thought the very next moment. But then, the front door, the living room was open. And then I was stunned, numb. All of that what I was experiencing was not any  supernatural-extra terrestrial state. It was something normal, something all of us would have to face, with no alternative given. Death. Some one had just died. MY neighbour was that some one.

                                Cancer it was. Though he had totally recovered from it a year back, it had to come back to him, and then engulfed him. He was not old, not young. Two children, both working, one married with a kid. No smokes, no alcohol. It was more of a surprise when he was diagnosed with it, in the first place. But then the so called creator is good with putting good people through a lot, isn’t he?. And now I was standing there, at their door step. The mortal body, soul less, motionless, lay there stock-still. People, family, friends, associates, all came to pay their homage.  Then came out a woman, almost unconscious, held by two other females. She was the wife. Her manifestation itself stated that, followed by the daughter, who was still in her senses, and that was the sad part. Cause she was still not over the truth that laid before her . A glimpse, and then they were taken away. A young lad ,around 28, stood there, and looked at the duo. And then he collapsed like an avalanche . He was the son.  He too was pulled away. On the stairs sat a man of 80. The father, rattling some philosophies. The news was too much for him to bear. He had already cried his part out. He seemed the most sensible. Sign of a man who has seen the world enough and has all the incidents of life holed up inside him. A distant relative was consoling them, and asking them to be stone hearted, strong, cause they knew it was coming. Tears were not going to help, he was saying. And I was like, we would see tough guy, when you go through the same.

                Death is so common yet so weird. It the way people associate death. And in the light of the same demented feeling I wondered. What if the soul, free from shackles, was sitting beside his carcass. Looking at his family, looking at the mass gathered to mourn his departure from the living world. How sad he would be to see his loved ones crying. I could think of him trying to convince them not to cry, cause he was now free. But the irony was I could then think of him being happy, seeing all the people who had gathered. It was cause they loved him. Being loved is a beautiful feeling.  Doesn’t matter before or after death. Irrespective of the fact of the source of love! When you are being thought of, you have done something worth with your life. Period!

                                Life is like compilation of many truths, small big. Death being the most dominant along with birth. Like Bryant McGill said, “ Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns”. We know we are going to end up at the same state. No matter how much yoga we were to practice, innumerable botox intakes, and all the responses to the TV adds that promises you to add extra years into their lives lets face it, You gonna be dead. Before or after your loved ones. No escaping from it. People never realize it, or perhaps they are acting that they can not figure it out. No one is satisfied, but then it’s the human nature to always ask for more if its available for free. But then cause of the indifference he dies much before his actual death. Thinking all these couldn’t help my cause of reaching any where near the birth-death cycle. I could not agree more to Maurice Maeterlinck . He had once hailed, “All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.” So true!

Love, ever happend to you?.

He was standing there on the platform. People ruffled and whisked around him. It , to him seemed that he was the centrifuge, with everyone ruffling across him . It was almost time, he had heard the announcement. He had been on  call since long, EVEN now!. He was talking to some one, probably the same person even now. He heard a sound, far away it was. His heart skipped a beat, like always. He had been through this before, many a times. The same place,  same time, it was as if this part from his life that played on and on after rewinding itself, whenever he was at this place. He was anxious, he was happy, he was all confused, in the best way possible though.  The engine whisked past him, and his eyes started wandering, What was he looking for?! Only he knew. He saw his reflection, when the AC compartments were passing by. He didn’t like his hair the way it looked. He did a quick fix for that. He straightened  out his shirt a little. He looked okay now, at least as per his thoughts. And all this while talking on phone. It was someone on the train he was talking to. He kept on screaming loud, his voice fading out in the deafening sound of the train. “Kya che tu yaar. Mane nai dekhati tu. Where are you man. ?”  He kept on repeating the little editing versions of the same words every now and then. He excitement could not be hidden. And then he was still. Simply stand still. Hard like a rock. All but his face. He was smiling. He screamed into the receiver’s end of the phone, “There you are”. He  was not moving yet. As still as one can get. Even the tiniest particles were just still, cause the mere sight he saw was excruciating , but in a weird way. He liked being that.

The voice on the other side replied, “I can’t see you. Please tell me too where are you. It’s fair, you have seen me and I have not. You do this every time, don’t do this to me. Go to hell, I am not talking to you any more”. Her voice was eternal for him. He could have done anything for that kiddish, girlish, cute, amazing voice of hers.  It should have been so so special to him. That is the only reason , goosebumps attacked him every time they were about to have their rendezvous . He then walked, slowly, towards the door, where she was standing. The train was not still yet.

“Look back, I am right in front of the book stall you just passed by.”

“No luck still. Why do you have to do this every time, I am  seriously not talking to you.”

“Please. Come on you know I am not doing it, am I? Why would I ever tease you,?” he said . His voice cheeky.

The train stopped. He saw her , at the door, looking across the stream of people, searching for him. Then a smile, every guy’s dream. Something that everyone wishes for.  Devoid of all the vices, lust, pain, even happiness. It was love. Something at its purest attainable state ever.  Enlightenment may me.

They looked at each other. She got down, stood there looking at him, smiling, her attribute.  Himself, he thought, just another guy, most random one. He was in love. So was she. Beautiful much.

Towards, each other , they walked, and right there, in the middle of that crowd, all those people, they embraced each other.

“I love you” he said.

“Okay. So what?” She giggled. They laughed. Hands clamped . Both of them walked out.

                Creating something that has an element of love with it has to be amazing, isn’t it. All of us, at some or the other point in life must have experienced it. You can’t deny that. No you can’t. And once it happens, you are never the same.  It changes you, in and out, it adds many things to you. It gifts you memories. Memories that makes you laugh blankly, abruptly, out of the blue, starring at the dark corner, of your room. Memories that you can find similar to things happening around, or rather its your heart’s compulsion to relate it that way.  Memories that make you cry for no reason. They hurt you, they save you, they feed you and they themselves freak you too. Yes, they do, As ironic as it may seem, truth!!!! 

                People come close to you, you get attached, and then if then remain in your life until the end, you bloody well be the luckiest person alive on earth. Else, you go through a lot. A pain, a endeavor, that’s never ending,  a cut grown old by years, but still as fresh as a spring flower. And then the most thorny part is your friend telling you all those beautiful things he felt about his lady love, before he too got wrecked by life and you can’t just hear more cause even you have been through it in the past, and just were you thought you were done, its there , right in front of you again. Holding a mirror in front of you, You see yourself naked, and the part of the past inside you, through the skin. Indicating to remove separate it from you, you need to kill yourself first, or then else have the guts to live with it!! And then as they say , “you can’t hide your lying eyes.” Never from yourself, ever. Memories, that help you through the most loneliest moments you walk through, more as a shadows. Shadows are black, they are dark, but it’s always good to have company.

                You can’t have it all in life. Love is the most common one that falls in that genre , either you lose it acquiring it once, else you don’t get it at all. The latter part is more unforgiving. But whatever it is, how ever people say it is painful, How much ever you see all those pictures about denouncing love, you can’t  just run away.  After all , we all know, one of the most content phase of your life was true indeed was back then. Filling up the void is not easy, but not impossible too….  You never know when you would strike the cord right again ………

Ps: if any of my friends find any resemblance to any character or content in this article, yeah you are right, it is not at all a co incidence,,,,